Our Story

I thought I'd share the story of how Douglas and I met and started dating, for any of you who are curious as to our history together as a couple.

We met on my birthday, July 23, 2009.  I had just started working in Ken Prehoda's lab at UO for grad school, and was in the fly dissection room virgining flies (yes, you have to go through your flies every day to pick out the virgin females.  They're white with a dark brown spot in their belly, it's kind of cool!)  Apparently a fellow lab member {Jon!} told Douglas that there was a cute girl rotating in his lab and he should come down and meet me, haha.  So there I am playing with my flies and Douglas walks in to introduce himself.  I thought he was very kind and instantly knew I wanted to get to know him better.  My lab decided to take me out to lunch that day since it was my birthday, and Douglas came along.  He tried to get a seat next to me, but he ended up at the completely other side of the table.  We caught each other's glances every once in awhile, but nothing really more than that came of that day.

About a week later, we had the IMB summer picnic for everyone at work, and I ran into Douglas there.  He offered to get me a beer and we sat and chit chatted for awhile.  A friend of mine joined into our conversation and asked me how my dad was doing.

At this point, my dad was really quite sick.  He had his entire right leg amputated at the hip due to stage 4 bone cancer, and it was obvious that his body was having a hard time recovering from that.  I personally was leaving Eugene to drive back home every few days or so, when another emergency would come up, and it was really starting to take a toll on me.  I felt uncomfortable talking about such a personal subject in front of people that I barely knew, but at that point I figured, "it is what it is".  I was highly emotional and ended up relaying the tragic story to my new friend Douglas.  I try to imagine being in his shoes, getting to know a nice girl who all of a sudden just starts getting really emotional because her dad is dying, and if I were him that would be a big red flag- "This girl is not stable, stay away!"  But he met my emotions with compassion and a tender heart, and did not shy away from asking me about my dad.  I knew in that conversation that he was a strong and kind man, and I had no idea how important he would be in the next few weeks to come.

As the weeks go by we get to know each other better.  I give him a ride from Portland where his parents live, down to Eugene (as I make that drive every few days or so anyways) and we had a great time in the car listening to music and talking about our pasts.  Both of us had just gotten out of long term long distance relationships, and I made it clear that I was, "not looking to get another boyfriend".  However that didn't stop him from taking me to dinner, and inviting me over to his apartment to cook for me.  He would come into work with me when I had to do fly husbandry at midnight to keep me safe, and we enjoyed watching movies and listening to music together.  Before we knew it, we had become inseparable. 

On August 17, a mere 2 weeks or so into our relationship, I had a feeling like I needed to go home and be home for awhile.  Douglas kissed me goodbye as I drove up to Vancouver, and I met up with my parents and brother.  My dad at this point was doing very poorly, and I think I knew it was going to be any day that he would pass.  Later that night I emerged from my room to kiss my parents goodnight, and I discovered my dad wasn't breathing.  He passed away peacefully holding hands with my mom, with my brother and I there to all comfort each other.  Within 5 minutes of discovering his death, my phone rings.  It's Douglas.

"Hey, I had a weird feeling so I thought I'd give you a call."

Now I'm not one to necessarily believe in supernatural things, but looking back on it, the timing was so incredible.  I told him I'd call him back later, and he insisted that I only call him when I can or when I need to, "no matter what time it is."  He lit a candle for my dad that night as he went to bed.  I was incredibly moved by his sensitivity and kindness.  Not many people can handle someone as emotional as I was, no matter the reason, but he stuck by me and didn't shy away just because I was going through the most difficult and depressing part of my life.  He is truly a wonderful human being.

As the months go on and I begin to go through the stages of grief, Douglas was there every step of the way.  He would hold me while I cry, let me punch pillows out of anger, and calm me down during my moments of panic.  I owe so much of my personal growth and recovery to him, because if it wasn't for him I really don't know what kind of person I'd be right now.  I think because of the situation that was brought to us so early on in our relationship, it caused us to get very close, very fast.  By about 6 months into our relationship, we could hardly go a day without seeing each other, and it's been that way ever since.

There are some times where I get really sad that he never got to meet my dad.  My dad was the most amazing man, and always incredibly insightful.  Before he passed, I remember telling him that I had met a new guy who seemed really great.  My dad said, "As long as you're happy, I'm happy."

And I am.

<3 J